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Archive | May, 2014

Rene D – she is available again and standing by for more intros

Hi PP Team,

Yes, I am back in the saddle and remaining hopeful…all the while serving the purpose God has placed me on this earth for. It has been a most interesting period in my life networking with your connections and I really am pleased with the selected matches you have introduced me to in the past few months.  Many have remained friends, some have moved on, and a close relationship almost ……..
Keep up the good work.
Stay blessed,

Rene D

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Research: Husband’s Attitude is the Key to a Happy Marriage

April, 2014 by Mike BunDRANT

Watch out, men. Here it comes.

Some credible scientists now claim that it is YOUR attitude that makes or breaks your marriage. Could it be true? First, let’s look at the evidence. Then, we can draw some fair conclusions and discover what any relationship partner can do to make things better.

Researchers from the University of Chicago have recently reported that in long-term marriages, the mental health and personality of the husband may be crucial to avoiding conflict and getting along.

The study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family surveyed adults who were participating in the National Social Life Health and Aging Project. It compared the characteristics of husbands and wives whose relationship lasted an average of 39 years.

Professor of Urban Sociology and director of the Center on Aging at NORC Linda J. Waite, said the type of conflicts examined had to do with whether a spouse makes too many demands, perpetually criticizes, or gets on the others nerves.

Here is the essential discovery:

When the husband showed a higher level of positive personality traits, the wife in a couple reported less marital conflict (no surprise here).  Interestingly, the woman’s level of positivity had no effect on husbands’ reports of conflict in the marriage. In other words, if the man is a pain to deal with, the woman considers this a problem to be solved.  If the woman is a pain to deal with, the man doesn’t complain.

I can hear the men saying, “Of course, I don’t let things get to me and I don’t whine about stuff. Yet, when I act negatively, I hear all about it! Why can’t she just let it go and move on?”

Answer: Because you haven’t changed into a more positive, connected and emotionally available person and she won’t be satisfied until you do. She wants a positive relationship in which she feels safe and connected to you. Your chronic negativity and emotional unavailability won’t fly. And you know what, she’s probably right. You deserve the same in return, even though it might not be your priority in life.

This research is interesting, but in a way it is practically USELESS

The bottom line has do with how satisfied you are with your partner. Are you satisfied? If not, then take some challenging yet very constructive steps to assess the chances that your marriage can improve.

Here is what I suggest:

1. Without reservation, invest your conscious effort over time, focusing on your partner’s positive attributes, giving warm feedback, showing appreciation and being a GREAT person to be around. (If you simply cannot do this, then you may be self-sabotaging from the get go and need to address the self-sabotage before you can make progress.

2. Notice what happens over time. Most likely, one of the following scenarios will happen:

A. Your partner will respond in kind, increasing happiness and fulfillment in your relationship. This is a WONDERFUL sign. You now know what you can do to increase your mutual joy and create positive loops in your relationship.

Bingo! You’re on your way toward greater happiness and satisfaction.

B. Your partner will not be affected, and may pretend not to notice.

C. Your partner will resist your efforts and become even more negative, distanced or troubled.

If you know you’ve been a great partner, yet cannot create a positive loop in your relationship, then there are deeper issues to look at. For example:

Boundaries

Are the boundaries clear enough to honor each individual in the relationship, or are you trying to control each other?

Self-Sabotage and Psychological Attachments

Self-Sabotage compels people to do the opposite of what makes the happy. It is driven by psychological attachments to old, familiar states of misery that we are not strong enough to let go of. We unwittingly sabotage our happiness and chances for success by subconsciously clinging to an old story, a familiar misery or what we’ve always known.

Compatibility

It could be that both you and your partner are simply not compatible. In other words, it is nobody’s fault. You just don’t see life the same way. Of course, choosing and clinging to an incompatible person could be an example of self-sabotage.

Where do you stand in your relationship? 

The first step to making relationship life better is to know how to answer this question.

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Why Men Act Hot And Cold

His Withdrawing Is The Beginning of The End… Unless You Know How To Pull Him Back

A man will seem really excited to be with you, he’ll ask you out, maybe even bring you flowers, call all the time, and then…

… something shifts and he pulls back.

He stops making plans like he used to, and you start to feel like you did something wrong or that he doesn’t like you as much anymore.

Wouldn’t it be great to know for sure that your man was going to take you in his arms and let you know without a doubt that he wants you and only you?

Wouldn’t it be amazing never to have to worry again that he is losing interest when he becomes distant or that you’ve done something wrong?

It’s entirely possible when you understand the reasons a man has for acting distant and what to do about it when he does…

The Good News: Withdrawing Is Natural

Here’s an insight about men that’s fascinating and strange and that, once you understand it, is going to stop a lot of the pain and frustration you experience with dating and relationships.

When a man gets truly close to a woman and deeply intimate for any extended period of time, he loves that feeling and wants more of it. But the strange part of this is that the moment a man experiences this period of intense closeness, he will take some space for himself.

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s how most men work emotionally. Most men will actually seek some amount of space to “recover.” It’s kind of like how after a muscle gets worked out it needs to rest before it can grow stronger and be active again.

Men can become distant even in good relationships, and if you know what to do, you can keep your guy physically and emotionally engaged… even when he needs time to recover.

And there’s another reason why a man might withdraw that has nothing whatsoever to do with you: He’s not living his “purpose”.

The Importance Of Purpose For A Man

It’s important for a man to be clear about what he’s doing in his own life and what his purpose is.

A man’s purpose can be anything from something straightforward like excelling at work or building his own company, to something more creative like starting and working at a do-it-yourself project at home or training at his favorite sport.

The point is that a man has some goals and is engaged and focused on doing something and doing it well.

A man’s purpose is essential to his overall emotional and social well-being. But often times, even men themselves aren’t clear on what their purpose is, or don’t really go after their purpose and assert themselves.

How His Purpose (Or Lack Of) Can Affect You

When a man isn’t going after his own purpose, or has fallen away from it or forgotten about it, it often gets in the way of the relationship he’s in. Men become withdrawn, restless, irritated and seem generally unengaged in life as a whole.

They stop initiating plans. They stop spending as much time with people, even their own friends. They shut the world out. And of course, they become emotionally withdrawn and distant as well.

Too often men aren’t conscious that this is what’s happening to them, and they end up pulling away from their relationship and making things even worse for themselves. This is when they often seem to go in and out of being present and engaged in the relationship, and then completely withdrawn.

They slide between the two largely because of the way that they’re feeling about themselves or how things are going for them in the world as it relates to their purpose. And often women take on the problems the man is going through and try and help, or even mistake his behavior to mean something about his feelings about them or the relationship.

So, now that you know that a man’s withdrawing is not automatically your fault, what can you do about it?

What Doesn’t Work With A Man

There are certain behaviors and approaches women often take when their man starts withdrawing, and they usually work against you. Let’s get those out of the way so you know what NOT to do…

Approach #1: Convincing Him

When you’re with a man who is feeling or acting uncertain with you, trying to convince him otherwise puts you in a very dangerous and weak position for your relationship, even if you give him an ultimatum that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that you want.

Why? Because he’s not really making that decision based on what he wants or feels.

What you really want and need is a man who is truly committed to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level. Not coerced, not forced, not convinced.

Approach #2: Over Sharing Your Feelings

If you’re like most women, then you think sharing your feelings with a man first, and often, will somehow get him to share his feelings in return.

But this isn’t how it works for a man. You can share your feelings with a man, but to expect that this will encourage him to do the same with you will only lead you to unnecessary frustration, especially if a man is already acting withdrawn.

When a man acts withdrawn, that’s a signal that he is undergoing his own emotional process and needs time to recharge. Once he’s ready to share his feelings, he’ll be back. But trying to stimulate him to do so by becoming overly emotional won’t work.

Approach #3: Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Women tend to think that if things are going well with a guy, that he will naturally want to move things forward to the next level. They’ll just assume this even when the guy has never talked about the future.

So you know what happens next. Things will be coasting along, and suddenly the guy will change gears, she’ll find out he’s dating other women, or he doesn’t make plans with her every weekend, and she’s left wondering what the heck happened.

The answer is that the woman created all these expectations about what the relationship was supposed to look like and how he was supposed to behave, and when he fell short of that, she became disappointed and unfulfilled. This usually winds up in a confrontation that causes tension and maybe even creates more distance.

The flip side of this is that a woman will try to pretend she’s okay with just a casual relationship, gets closer to him thinking he’ll “come around,” and then become disappointed when he doesn’t.

Approach #4: Having “The Talk”

As an independent, thinking woman who is used to getting out there and getting what she wants in her career and the rest of her life, it might seem like laying your cards on the table and having a talk with a man about “where the relationship is going” is the sensible, adult way to move things forward.

You might think that if you give him all your reasons for why you two are perfect for each other, like you’d do in a job interview, it will make him open his eyes and realize he’d be a fool to have things any other way.

But think about this: Do men truly commit and choose to love and become loyal, caring, affectionate, etc. just because a woman asks them?

No. A man needs to have his own reasons for being and feeling this way, and this happens when he feels a deep emotional attraction for you.

To get the inside scoop on how the commitment process works for a man, his reasons for committing, and how to transition to a deeply committed relationship in an easy and effortless way, check out my From Casual To Committed program.

In this program, I’ll help you discover how to help a man get in touch with those hidden feelings inside him that will have him begging you for a commitment. No drama, no tears, and no convincing that he needs to “go there” with you.

How To Make Him Hot Again

Ok, so now that you know what not to do when a man goes cold, here’s how to handle the situation the next time it happens and inspire the right guy to “recover.”

1. Center Yourself And Get Clear On Your Wants

What you need to do first, before you do anything else, is get clear about what you want and expect from your love life.

You need to be honest with yourself first before you can be honest with anyone else in your life. Stop pretending you only want a casual, fun fling when what you really want is to have a committed, serious relationship that’s going somewhere.

Here’s the thing: Getting clear about what you want will help guide your mind in all kinds of positive directions to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life.

Accepting a situation that is anything other than what you truly want will not only make you unhappy, it will keep you tied to a man who’s not right for you. So really ask yourself what kind of relationship you want before you become involved with a man and the chemistry starts to cloud your vision.

2. Communicate Clearly

Let me tell you something important that you might have gotten mixed up as a woman in relationships with men who wouldn’t listen…

It’s OK to want what you want and to let a man know it. In fact, it’s a must. And it’s OK to tell a man that his behavior doesn’t match with what you want.

The amazing thing is that men crave honest women who are up front about who they are and what they want in relationships… in a way that says that she’s not too attached to the immediate outcome and subtly lets him know that he better have his act together, or else.

Suppose you’re with a man who has a wandering eye or wants an “open relationship”, and that’s not what you want. You can say, “You have every right to be with any woman you want, just not when you’re with me.”

That’s not an ultimatum or a threat. It’s a simple, clear statement about your wishes that also respects his right to choose. When faced with open communication like that, a mature man will respect a woman and realize that he’s dealing with an equal.

This in itself will go far in triggering the deep level of emotional attraction I talked about earlier. What’s more, once you become vulnerable like this and state your truth, your respect for yourself will also increase, and with it your self esteem. You’ll not only move closer to the relationship you want, but you’ll weed out the guys who can’t give you that in the process.

3. Create The Space

This is the critical key to inspiring a man to be close to you again. Actually allow yourself to be open and vulnerable.

This is the space that you will actually receive love from your man… and to do this requires that you actually take a step back so that a man can come towards you and start giving you his love and attention.

If you don’t leave this space, you will keep filling the space, and he will not step forward.

That means you let go of the need to control what happens next and give him the chance to call, make plans with you, or initiate affection.

Learn The Exact Steps So He’ll Step Forward

In my program Inside The Mind of A Man, I dedicate a whole section to this called “When a Man Withdraws.” You’ll quickly learn:

  • How to cut through his resistance so he actually wants to come closer to you, naturally
  • Specific words you can say if you sense he’s pulling away so he suddenly craves you MORE
  • The stuff men will NEVER tell you about what they’re thinking while dating you
  • How to talk to him so you DON’T come across as needy

One of my guest speakers, an expert in communicating with men, recommends “fooling” a man into thinking it’s actually okay for him to withdraw. In fact, he advises that you actually encourage a man to take his space to regenerate by saying, “I’m here when you’re ready.”

When you back off like this, a man will firstly be caught off guard and pleasantly surprised, he probably hasn’t had this happen with a woman before. Once he gets over this, he’ll realize that he actually needs less time away from you, because you’re not going to hold it against him.

To learn more tips like this you can use right away with any man you’re with to instantly bring him closer to you and inspire that deep level of emotional attraction, check out Inside The Mind Of A Man here:

Watch Inside The Mind Of A Man

I’ll guide you to understand men and work with how a man thinks and feels to create a great relationship… a relationship that will withstand the normal ups and downs.

You’ll learn to recognize when a man is just “doing his thing”, so you never again have to worry that you’re driving him away. Instead, you’ll learn exactly what it takes to support your man during his periods of “recovery” and what to do to keep his attraction for you strong.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian

Source: http://www.catchhimandkeephim.com/m/email/ar/why-men-act-hot-and-cold.html

 

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Sophia L – Adriaan B, he has withdrawn, non-dating for now

Hi Guys

Can you take me off the dating schedule for the moment please ?

Jennifer and I are engaging again as it seemed worth while to give it another try, despite our traumatic breakup and the hard times that followed.  Please wish us luck.  You have been marvelous in keeping everything on track and my confidence is restored enough to be more mature and understanding now.

Best wishes,
Adriaan

Thanks for letting us know dear Adriaan ………we will hold our breath while you try to get back together again, and hope all turns out well!!  Sometimes it is a great leap forward, sometimes it rings the death knell as it is just not meant to be, as much as you may wish otherwise!!  Familiarity can breed contempt …and us humans often revert to what has become ‘comfortable’ because it is what we know, our neuro-reality ………but the problems are still the same unless seriously addressed ……which I know both of you have the depth to do, so my advice is meant kindly, and we wish you both the very best!  Promises can be made and just as easily broken ………..honest communication is pivotal now.

Please let us know how it goes, we really care and maybe even we can assist ……….in the mean time, we have withdrawn your intros to the other ladies and they will be most disappointed – you are really eligible and deserve the best, remember this!

Love and light as always,

Fond Regards
Shannon

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3 Reasons You’re Still Single – and we would love to hear from you!

Your Team here at Perfect Partners wish to thank you once more for making contact with us within the past few months, and we are sorry you have not yet joined, we just want to let you know we are thinking of you!

Many of you may have found your soul mate on your own by now, but many of you are still in the dead-zone of a fruitless search, wondering if love will ever find you!  Fact is, whilst we go about our daily business, the usual treadmill of busy, busy, busy, life is passing us by!  If you want transformation you need to actively take action and push any self-limiting beliefs behind you – why will destiny pass you by if you actively manifest a positive future?  Only if you do not change that which you are doing that is not working for you, you will stay stuck in a time warp, guaranteed!  Are you still not meeting the ‘right’ people? Is your enthusiasm curbed by all the games out there?  Don’t know where to start? We have answers for you but it means embarking on this journey together.

Welcome change, be brave, be daring and have a plan of action!  Your PPI Team have a plan for you and you stand as good a chance as any out there!

It may be fear of the unknown or lack of self-confidence, but rest assured we are experts at getting you started again!  We have transformed many lives for the better (and many engagements/weddings between June 2012 and now) – and we believe destiny awaits us all when we take that action.  Please read the inspirational article below – and seriously think of a new life! Don’t be afraid to discuss your budget with us – we are very flexible as we are NOT about money, but a valued service (and yes, it does cost)

by S.K. Smith

Being single can be sensational … when it’s what you want. If, on the other hand, you’re in the market to meet someone special and it just doesn’t seem to be happening, flying solo can seem like a curse. For those of you in the second camp (all alone and ready for a real relationship), it’s easy to blame your circumstances. You may tell yourself there’s no one worthy in your area or that all the good ones are taken. The truth, however, is that the problem may just be you.

Before you go raising your arms in defense, spouting about what a great catch you think you are, let down your guard and ask yourself if any of the following sound familiar. After all, you may actually be the catch of the century, but what does that matter if nobody else gets to know it?!  You need to be actively ‘marketed’ to like-minded Singles out there because, they like you, are busy with life and don’t know you exist!

You Project Being Too Together
Everyone wants to put their best foot forward, sure … but there’s a difference between being your best you and making yourself seem so together (read: set in your ways) that you don’t need — or have room for — anyone in your life. What you may consider your strengths might just be signals that you’re fine just as you are. As a result, prospective partners might believe that they should keep on walking, since odds are they won’t measure up to your standards. Sound familiar? Is your schedule is so rigid that you can’t bend it to accommodate a date? Is your checklist so precise that you turn partners away for the wrong hair color or shoes? Your vision of exactly how things should be might just be getting in the way of how they could be. We all live for today…..but where do you picture yourself in 5, 10 or 15 years time?  Will those criteria you have today be at all important when the chips are down and you need true loving support from the right person, instead of designer labels?  How do you view sexuality?  Is it purely a mechanism to test your popularity, feed your ego, or a deep seated need as part of the gift of true lasting love?  Time takes its toll on all of us!  Therefore it is logical to get into a sound relationship while you still have something to offer, and life to live and enjoy together NOW!  FACT!

You Project Incomplete
On the opposite end of the spectrum are those of us who have spent our lives preparing for the perfect mate. Trouble is, what you see as preparing may seem to others like waiting … Translation: you’ve put yourself on hold in hopes of finding someone to complete you. The trouble with that mentality is that a great partner will enhance your life, but they can’t complete you … only you can do that for yourself.  Good prospects are under your nose – but the ‘greener grass on the other side’ syndrome still persists!  These are subconscious barriers you are putting up that reads as “NOT AVAILABLE”….or “NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!” or maybe you under value yourself “I AM NOT WORTHY – WHO WOULD WANT ME?”

And until you do realise you stand as good a chance as any, you may continue to scare off otherwise great matches who perceive you as desperate and/or don’t want the pressure your choices imply (marry me now!). So, if you’re still living at home well out of your twenties with a hope chest of housewares in the basement for when you meet ‘the one,’ it’s time to consider getting on with it already. The more risks you take for yourself and your own good, the greater rewards you’ll reap in love and in life.  Step out of your comfort zone!

You Actually Want to Be Single
Lastly, you may be out every Friday, on three different dating sites and putting the word out to your friends that you’re open to (nay, eager for) fix-ups, but believe it or not, there’s a good chance that you actually like your life just as it is. Clues that this is the case? Choosing people you know in your gut aren’t for you to go out with anyway — just to ‘kill time,’ and then rejecting other potential quality dates for reasons unknown — even to yourself. Doing a runner when commitment ‘talk’ happens, and simply not prepared to share you space with another!  Love them and leave them – with no emotional involvement other the physical?  Perhaps you have a ‘little something on the side’ which is sufficient for your needs? Perhaps you are settling for second best on purpose because that is what you want?  A frustrating but pleasant enough liaison, an affair, friends with benefits?  Ask yourself how long this can last?  Isn’t there something with real value out there for you?

It’s ok if you want to be single, but if you don’t (and you’re acting like this), take a second and ask yourself what’s really going on. Fear (of being hurt, of being vulnerable, of commitment… of anything) can seem overwhelming, but only by facing yours will you have any chance of finding happiness with someone else.

Do YOU fit into any of the above?  Do you recognise your current situation or mindset? Please know that with our guidance any of these three syndromes can be rectified!

Regards

Rick (Admin Manager) – Perfect Partners Team

 

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