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The Irrational Fear of Being Alone

Hi Shannon, Inge and the PP Team,

Thank you thank you  for this great read!!!!. Made my morning. I have only been a member for a few weeks and already I feel substance in being a member as you have held my hand over the first steps with warmth and compassion and I don’t feel like a “dating desperado” but a woman worthy of finding the right match, with a dignified recruiting service. You always communicate and leave nothing to chance. You sure do get me and my needs too! I can truly see why you are rated the most professionals agency in the country, working with professionals ……

I just had to share my take on the article. It feels like the writer was speaking to me- she articulated feelings like I would have expressed them on the journey to finding oneself. I was mortified of being alone after a 8 year relationship. But after  almost 2 years of being alone, am liberated, peaceful and in the right mental space to welcome love and sunshine in my life. I know myself better and no longer feel that my identity is tied to another individual. I wish more people could have the courage to walk away from a relationship that doesn’t grow them. Fear is the strongest emotion of all in my humble opinion. It crippled me for 8 years.     I’m truly happy to be with the PP family and pleased with the “soul food” you’re dishing to nourish us.

Have a fabulous weekend

Warmly
Carol

Hi Carol

THE IRRATIONAL FEAR OF BEING ALONE – RESEARCHED FOR YOU THIS WEEK! …a longish read but very good, even for the fundis! (We see clearly that members who read our stuff succeed far quicker than those who don’t! information is power!). …..nobody need ever be alone ……we are doing something about it! even if you are in a relationship, learn to avoid the cracks……

Happy Friday to all our esteemed perfect partners – old and new, and many old members have returned and many newbies are settling in, it promises action for all!!  Finally we have some normal weeks ahead, and hope you also have some ‘me time’ for your own needs, remember, balance is key to a healthy and long life! we wish all our new happy couples a loving and thrilling new future – together forever!

Many of our members are finding personal sessions with Bonita, Veronica and Thinus have helped tremendously!! Work on the “inner” with our coach ladies, and get the “outer” you have always wished for with Thinus – he guarantees success!! Again our mantra is, if you are not getting the action you hoped for, find the reason – we have the database and do everything we can to find your ideal (and real) and are eternally inviting new members in for all our benefit, because the next newbie may be YOUR match (and still sadly declining many that we know we cannot assist! These are often lovely people and need coaching first because they simply are not yet ready) – so do a little self-search on what you can do to improve outcomes, and work with us. Your attraction factor is your success factor – we cannot deliver love on a plate, being loveable gets you love in return.

Days are getting cooler and nights longer, which bodes well for new romance!!  We will be sending as many intros next week to everyone, if there are compatible matches!!

Love and light then until next time, and please read hereunder ……even if you know it all, a refresh helps! We research tons of stuff every week …..and always try to save you time browsing, by giving you the best! Our comment in blue ….

Fond Regards
Shannon

The Irrational Fear of Being Alone

By Susan Winter

The fear of being alone is terrifying for most people I know. This paralyzing projection keeps many a couple trapped in a dysfunctional loop of unhappy relations. Though the reasons stated for not separating include children, loss of money or “it’s just not the right time,” at the core of this stasis is a fear of being alone. Someone, it seems, is better than no one.

The fear of being alone is an irrational construct. Alone doesn’t mean “lonely.” Yet, the false premise states that clinging to “another” for safety will somehow guarantee our safety. Security derived from an outer source is impossible. In the absence of our own self-love, we cannot connect to another in a meaningful way. Staying in an unhappy partnership is viewed as being of greater value than honoring the self. It is fear. Projected fear. The loneliness imagined will only be experienced when not united with our selves.

I’ve counseled many people on the merits of being comfortable in their own skin and finding peace within. While this is the answer, it’s astounding how much resistance is given to the concept.  Many people just don’t have enough courage to love themselves! Even more reason to speak to one of our Love Gurus……

The reason for this resistance lies in outer identification. We’ve been told through movies, music and literature that we’re incomplete if we’re alone. Only the presence of “another” can alleviate the void we feel inside and make us feel whole. In actuality, we feel the void when we’re not aligned with ourselves.

It’s folly. But still, the myth continues in the minds of far too many. How enticing the belief that someone else will be the balm to soothe us and the cure to our discontent? And how sad the realization that no one can provide solace for what we lack, inside. If you joined us hoping to find someone to complete you or rescue you, or be a trophy or conquest……….you need to rethink your goals!

No outer force that can sooth inner discontent. In pressing our partner to do our work for us, they will certainly fail. Then, they become the problem. Our relationship becomes the problem. The love that was supposed to complete us becomes a battleground of conflicting wills as each holds the other’s happiness in their fickle hands.

The fear of being alone is far greater than the real doing of it. Taking time to be alone with ourselves can be the greatest journey of a lifetime. The discovery of what we like, what we feel, what we want and who we really are is liberation at its finest.

When actualized, one discovers the delight of a freedom far greater than imagined. After all, the worries and projected fears have passed, there comes the unexpected ah-ha moment — we are fine. Our former avoidance seems ridiculous in hindsight. There is peace and contentment. Then, joy.

We realize we have ourselves as good company. We begin to value the life we have…….and have far more to offer, a value add as a ‘whole person’ to a new love.  We learn our fears of being alone were completely unfounded. We create a new platform from which love may grow.

When we’ve worked through the fear of being alone, we may assess the validity of our existing partnership. With the pressure off our partner to save us, the relationship that seemed “dead” often finds new life. As we’ve changed, our partner must change in correspondence. From the point of inner connection, we may amend what we have or magnetize new suitors who also like themselves and like us. So many divorced people who join us tell us “I am divorced because he/she did not understand my needs…..” hmmmm, why were you needy in the first place? Why did you not simply ask nicely for what will please you, because your loved one sure as hell wants to please you!!

Comfort within one’s self is the best starting point for a new relationship, or for a current love affair in peril. It’s the work that must be done by no one, but us. And, once done… is cherished as the edification of all that we are, and have now become. Unconditional love is born of tolerance, understanding, respect and giving ……..but some only take!

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