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The Irrational Fear of Being Alone

Hi Shannon, Inge and the PP Team,

Thank you thank you  for this great read!!!!. Made my morning. I have only been a member for a few weeks and already I feel substance in being a member as you have held my hand over the first steps with warmth and compassion and I don’t feel like a “dating desperado” but a woman worthy of finding the right match, with a dignified recruiting service. You always communicate and leave nothing to chance. You sure do get me and my needs too! I can truly see why you are rated the most professionals agency in the country, working with professionals ……

I just had to share my take on the article. It feels like the writer was speaking to me- she articulated feelings like I would have expressed them on the journey to finding oneself. I was mortified of being alone after a 8 year relationship. But after  almost 2 years of being alone, am liberated, peaceful and in the right mental space to welcome love and sunshine in my life. I know myself better and no longer feel that my identity is tied to another individual. I wish more people could have the courage to walk away from a relationship that doesn’t grow them. Fear is the strongest emotion of all in my humble opinion. It crippled me for 8 years.     I’m truly happy to be with the PP family and pleased with the “soul food” you’re dishing to nourish us.

Have a fabulous weekend

Warmly
Carol

Hi Carol

THE IRRATIONAL FEAR OF BEING ALONE – RESEARCHED FOR YOU THIS WEEK! …a longish read but very good, even for the fundis! (We see clearly that members who read our stuff succeed far quicker than those who don’t! information is power!). …..nobody need ever be alone ……we are doing something about it! even if you are in a relationship, learn to avoid the cracks……

Happy Friday to all our esteemed perfect partners – old and new, and many old members have returned and many newbies are settling in, it promises action for all!!  Finally we have some normal weeks ahead, and hope you also have some ‘me time’ for your own needs, remember, balance is key to a healthy and long life! we wish all our new happy couples a loving and thrilling new future – together forever!

Many of our members are finding personal sessions with Bonita, Veronica and Thinus have helped tremendously!! Work on the “inner” with our coach ladies, and get the “outer” you have always wished for with Thinus – he guarantees success!! Again our mantra is, if you are not getting the action you hoped for, find the reason – we have the database and do everything we can to find your ideal (and real) and are eternally inviting new members in for all our benefit, because the next newbie may be YOUR match (and still sadly declining many that we know we cannot assist! These are often lovely people and need coaching first because they simply are not yet ready) – so do a little self-search on what you can do to improve outcomes, and work with us. Your attraction factor is your success factor – we cannot deliver love on a plate, being loveable gets you love in return.

Days are getting cooler and nights longer, which bodes well for new romance!!  We will be sending as many intros next week to everyone, if there are compatible matches!!

Love and light then until next time, and please read hereunder ……even if you know it all, a refresh helps! We research tons of stuff every week …..and always try to save you time browsing, by giving you the best! Our comment in blue ….

Fond Regards
Shannon

The Irrational Fear of Being Alone

By Susan Winter

The fear of being alone is terrifying for most people I know. This paralyzing projection keeps many a couple trapped in a dysfunctional loop of unhappy relations. Though the reasons stated for not separating include children, loss of money or “it’s just not the right time,” at the core of this stasis is a fear of being alone. Someone, it seems, is better than no one.

The fear of being alone is an irrational construct. Alone doesn’t mean “lonely.” Yet, the false premise states that clinging to “another” for safety will somehow guarantee our safety. Security derived from an outer source is impossible. In the absence of our own self-love, we cannot connect to another in a meaningful way. Staying in an unhappy partnership is viewed as being of greater value than honoring the self. It is fear. Projected fear. The loneliness imagined will only be experienced when not united with our selves.

I’ve counseled many people on the merits of being comfortable in their own skin and finding peace within. While this is the answer, it’s astounding how much resistance is given to the concept.  Many people just don’t have enough courage to love themselves! Even more reason to speak to one of our Love Gurus……

The reason for this resistance lies in outer identification. We’ve been told through movies, music and literature that we’re incomplete if we’re alone. Only the presence of “another” can alleviate the void we feel inside and make us feel whole. In actuality, we feel the void when we’re not aligned with ourselves.

It’s folly. But still, the myth continues in the minds of far too many. How enticing the belief that someone else will be the balm to soothe us and the cure to our discontent? And how sad the realization that no one can provide solace for what we lack, inside. If you joined us hoping to find someone to complete you or rescue you, or be a trophy or conquest……….you need to rethink your goals!

No outer force that can sooth inner discontent. In pressing our partner to do our work for us, they will certainly fail. Then, they become the problem. Our relationship becomes the problem. The love that was supposed to complete us becomes a battleground of conflicting wills as each holds the other’s happiness in their fickle hands.

The fear of being alone is far greater than the real doing of it. Taking time to be alone with ourselves can be the greatest journey of a lifetime. The discovery of what we like, what we feel, what we want and who we really are is liberation at its finest.

When actualized, one discovers the delight of a freedom far greater than imagined. After all, the worries and projected fears have passed, there comes the unexpected ah-ha moment — we are fine. Our former avoidance seems ridiculous in hindsight. There is peace and contentment. Then, joy.

We realize we have ourselves as good company. We begin to value the life we have…….and have far more to offer, a value add as a ‘whole person’ to a new love.  We learn our fears of being alone were completely unfounded. We create a new platform from which love may grow.

When we’ve worked through the fear of being alone, we may assess the validity of our existing partnership. With the pressure off our partner to save us, the relationship that seemed “dead” often finds new life. As we’ve changed, our partner must change in correspondence. From the point of inner connection, we may amend what we have or magnetize new suitors who also like themselves and like us. So many divorced people who join us tell us “I am divorced because he/she did not understand my needs…..” hmmmm, why were you needy in the first place? Why did you not simply ask nicely for what will please you, because your loved one sure as hell wants to please you!!

Comfort within one’s self is the best starting point for a new relationship, or for a current love affair in peril. It’s the work that must be done by no one, but us. And, once done… is cherished as the edification of all that we are, and have now become. Unconditional love is born of tolerance, understanding, respect and giving ……..but some only take!

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You guys do an amazing job

Morning dear Shannon,

How is your long weekend going? Month end has come and now gone………..again J

Thanks for asking about my beloved fur friends  – dogs are amazing and they say if you want loyalty and a friend………………get a dog J There are so many tearful movies about dogs and their loyalty and one that comes to mind, is the Richard Gere movie set in Japan (can’t remember details) but when RG character died, his dog sat in the same spot in the town square for ages, waiting for his master to come home L J incredible!!! A true story and so profound the story, the Mayor of the town erected a statue of the dog.

Dealing with Mr. Public is tough and reading your newsletter, reminded me of when I was a Service Provider for Vodacom in 1994 for five years. It’s wild sometimes J

You guys do an amazing job and I remain very impressed at the high calibre of ladies you have offered me in my 6 month spell so far – everyone a potential friend if not The One – and I know we are getting close!!  My life has changed dynamically! I wish and hope your members appreciate how hard you work for us all, with such professional care and attention to detail.  This is not like any other ‘dating service’ but more like being a member of an exclusive single’s friendship club, with you introducing all your friends to each other!!  I do seriously consider you a friend!! When my helicopter is serviced, I plan to meet you all!

Short and sweet and merci bucket,

MT

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EXCELLENT ADVICE FROM SHANNON, MUCH APPRECIATED

From: FMF
Sent: 04 January 2017 11:01 PM
To: Perfect Partners Inc
Subject: EXCELLENT ADVICE FROM SHANNON, MUCH APPRECIATED

Dear Shannon

Thank you so much for the email and the discussion yesterday, especially as you should be on leave. When I asked to discuss what had happened with XX and I, it was more to get advice and to have a sounding board – I find that dating can really make you doubt yourself sometimes! But in fact I got a whole lot more from you in terms of support and compassion which is what I needed after the very cold sms “cut-off”. I thank you so much for that – the whole conversation was actually quite cathartic for me.

I shared some of my minor issues with XX – not excessively so – but I take your point that this could be an issue for him and I need to be more mindful of this given where he is in his life right now. But if he is looking for perfection in me or our relationship, he will not find it…..we can only heed your advice and grow “into” our perfection as we go forward………

I appreciate your experience, guidance, kindness and enthusiasm for this, which is clearly more than just a job for you. You are really amazing and very astute, your ability to get the point quickly is a gift, as we soon had me laughing again, and now XX and I are back on track!

Warm regards

FMF

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Alpha women are here to stay, men need new strategies!

Hi Shannon,

🙂

I’d love to meet a woman that can debate against me, and win, with facts and proof. I don’t consider these woman alpha in any way. They are simply intelligent, sane, humans, that have grown as tired as I am with the BS. IF YOU HAVE THESE ON YOUR DATABASE, PLEASE INTRODUCE ME, I AM ONE HELLOVA CATCH!!

A woman being straight up with me? Does such a thing exist? Are you sure your database has not been invaded with aliens? This could be part of their master plan you know, they could be trying to get all the able, intelligent men off the planet, so they can invade!

Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous, but from my experience, both these scenarios have equal merit. To me, finding a woman that’s straight up with me, would be like opening my microwave and finding a sentient cockroach holding a sign saying: “We come in peace.”. It really just sounds … too far-fetched to believe.

It would be lovely though, to meet a lady that does EXACTLY what she says she’s going to do. Rather than another one that talks in circles about what they would like to do, but somehow always finds excuses not to put effort into it.

As for her not being easy? I think if any of the men on your system wanted easy, they wouldn’t be on your system. Easy is really, really  easy. Too damn easy actually.

From my perspective, the woman you are describing here is … my mother’s generation, WHEN WOMEN WERE WOMEN, and they were strong too! They just don’t come in that make and model any more.

Basically what I’m saying is, that I need proof that these creatures exists. Right now, for me, this is up there with X-Files, Big-Foot, The Yeti, finding the body of J. E. Hoover and who killed JFK.

Regards
jb

WHAT GUYS CAN EXPECT FROM AN ALPHA FEMALE!

Once again, happy Friday to all our awesome perfect partners, the last one in November, as we head into December!  This week’s bulletin is on an interesting piece we researched on the internet on Alpha Females, we have to get used to it, they are here to stay guys! We had a very interesting response to our bulletin last week, many guys came back applauding what DJB had asked in his email to us, and many ladies were not surprised to hear what men are thinking about single ladies in general, and some were not very impressed!!  I cannot insert all the answers here as it will be too long, but some of the best should be on our blog on our website, anonymous as usual, no names, as confidentiality rules!  We so appreciate your feedback, and it seems many single ladies and guys have some thinking to do!  We have blogged an email from another male member, who says his experience with us is always fantastic, that we have truly wonderful, strong and independent ladies he has met and is honoured to meet, that are not the needy or clinging vine types, and he suggests our last week’s author meet more of the Alpha female types to find what him and his friends seek, partners in life not passengers  – very interesting! My question is, would Alpha Females be attracted to these guys? We applaud and complement our lovely ladies!

Indeed, stereotypical roles between the genders have changed in the last decade, more than ever, and there are no ‘privileges’ due by sheer virtue of being male, or female, successful, more mature or whatever people thinks gives them a head start or an automatic leg-up, because they are entitled…..singles now have to step up and attract on merit, their value add as a partner, their heart intelligence, divine spirit …….and their awareness of Self, both in and out, as essential human beings. BUT, we never forget the true essence of lasting and meaningful love bonds, men love to love women, and women love to love men, so it can be quite simple when all the games, riches, glory, lures and subterfuge are out the way, just be real, leave Ego behind!!

We are going to be sending out as many intros as we can before 23rd December so everyone has some new socialising to look forward to over the holidays, we will pull out all the stops! We are hard pressed to also bring on board all newbies as much admin has to be done and photos taken, so please hang in there, we are really busy!  We are also sifting through our usual 1000+ enquiries every month, and sadly, having to reject at least 30% as they do not meet all entry criteria at PP, so please be assured we remain selective and astute to your needs, and only entertain those that we feel fit in with our general calibre. All our partners have something to offer, are unique and fabulous people, give everyone a chance!

Veronica has been enrolling many members interested in her ‘energy psychology’ workshops aimed specifically at singles and her short workshop is next Saturday, 3rd December, for those still wanting to attend, or engage one-on-one  (feedback has been she can change dynamics in just one chat and members are beyond impressed!) and she did a great job of the Cliff Central radio show, we have written three articles for leading women’s magazines, and one men’s magazine, so editors recognise our value add too, and are helping spread the news! There have been no further TV shows planned this year, but we are out there, for all of us, and you are our best ambassadors, matched yet or not! Remember also, your frog could be someone else’s prince or princess! YOUR attraction factor is your success ….and an open mind to meet everyone and give it a chance……nobody is in a static state, transformation starts to happens the minute there is a spark!

Much love and light until next time,

Fond Regards
Shannon

Some men like their women submissive, sweet, feminine, and nurturing – and hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. But that woman is certainly not an Alpha female! The Alpha female is now part of the mix and growing in numbers guys, you need to take heed! (Shannon’s comment:  it does not mean compete on a masculine level, ever, and definitely not an invitation to be butch in attitude! The Feminine Goddess can risk being the gentle, kind, soft and loving nurturer more than ever as she has more resources and means too to do so!  She can shine with new confidence and give her gifts from the heart).

Now, for those Alpha Females out there, you know who you are, it takes a very particular type of man to know or handle you, he would not be threatened but rather support and encourage your endeavors, seeing you as his mirror reflection and it may not always be easy. Yes, you might as well admit it now too: you are a handful.

Potential Alpha Female Lovers: don’t say you weren’t warned. You best know your woman before you fall head over heels for Miss. Independent!

  1. She will challenge you.

Not only will she challenge you, but she probably won’t forfeit too easily; she will be persistent and insistent. She will debate with you over anything from Trumps’s new policy, to the actual color of a tennis ball (green? or yellow?), and she expects to win. Some advice: challenge her back.(You asked for mental stimulation after all!!but do not turn it into a battle of egos! Always graciously accept her opinions and respect them, they are not meant to demean you in any way unless you let it!). If she has her feminine goddess working for her, she will be entertaining and interesting, not annoyingly disrespectful of your opinions either……so ladies, work on this!

  1. She doesn’t need a man to make it happen.

If you’re the kind of guy who loves to feel needed all the time, this gal just isn’t for you. She is fiercely independent and prides herself on being self-reliant and self-sufficient: Miss Outta My Way. The great thing about being with an Alpha is that you won’t feel tied down because she doesn’t need you, she wants you….she loves being with you, and you complement each other, not complete each other!

  1. She will be straight-up with you.

If your Alpha has a problem, you will most likely know about it. You can’t expect her to be too gentle with her words, so hopefully you’ll understand that she isn’t trying to be mean – this is just the way she is. But, hey, you won’t need to deal with the typical passive-aggressive bullshit that most girls pull! She gets to the point and does not play games, and if she is a nice Alpha, she can still be kind in her choice of approach and words.

  1. She’s a do-er, not a talk-er.

Alpha’s take action, so if she says she’s gonna do something – you bet your butt, she’s gonna do it. She probably expects the same in return: if you say you’re gonna do something, you sure as hell better follow through. And if ya don’t, she will…so don’t miss the boat, Mister. Hop on!

  1. She doesn’t wear her Alpha on her sleeve if she is smart.

Chocolates? Flowers? One of those Hallmark cards that have a cute pun about how much you love her? Yeah, these things will probably make her vom a little in her mouth before it makes her heart melt. Not that she’s a total cynic, but she’s used to the doting – the lovey dovey stuff that every girl wants – and in order to get her attention, you’ll need to come up with something a little more original…..but start somewhere, women love to be courted

  1. She’s not easy.

If you think loving an Alpha Female is easy, you’re wrong. She’s difficult, competitive, and probably complicated. She gets off from being free, being in power, and will step on any man who gets in her way. She is, in fact, Ab. So. Lute. Ly. Impossible.  You need to also draw your line in the sand, you have needs too, and she needs to know it, gently put!

  1. But she’s definitely worth it.

Her my-way-or-the-highway attitude and complete self-competence will, at times, make you feel small. Instead, let it empower you. Let it strengthen your weaknesses, and let it feed your drive to success. She will help you learn about yourself; she will push you; she will change you; she will impact you. Overall, she will make you a better man….and you will make a better team!

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Looking for that special lady that you can relate to at all levels

Hi Shannon, your weekly article and email refers from Friday!

Only got to read the mail below this morning, I guess rather late than never. Very very interesting. Lets first start on the short article and will comment on the letter afterwards.

–          As a man, speaking for myself and those in my circle (most of them married already), we always say look for that first prize lady, not because of the looks which can be deceiving at times. We looking for that special lady that you can relate to at all levels, or well most. Someone you can talk to about everything and anything and not feel judged, ranging from your inner personal self, your interests, challenges, views about the future, etc. Basically, that someone you can share you frustrations and celebrations with and enjoy life together. Someone who shares same or similar vision about the future. Those are basics. As independent lady, she should however allow you to be a man in her life. Simply put, someone who will allow me to bring the best out of them and vise versa.

On the letter below, I sense that this guys could be associating with those less independent ladies who will want the guy to only spend and spend and spend. I have realized that, especially with the ladies I have met on Perfect Partners, mostly they are at a point in their lifes where they have worked hard for their independence and just looking for someone to bring love into joy into their lifes. With such ladies, you will always find that they are genuine about their expectations and will not even give a sense of being after your money or material possession. They just looking for a man to play a manly role in their lives and make them feel protected and loved. These guys could possibly be hanging out with wrong ladies (maybe meeting on internet or Tinder?) or possibly scared of the challenge of being with successful and independent women. There are plenty of good women out there, they must never lose hope.

Many thanks and regards, your member who is an Alpha male and love Alpha females!

CM

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