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7 Dating Deal Breakers for a Modern World

By Eric J. Leech

For 2011, deal breakers have entered a modern world. A world where lateness and temper tantrums are the least of our problems, compared to online cheaters, posers, and players. Jerks will always be around, but they can do twice as much damage when they are allowed to hide behind available technology. Today, we look at 10 dating deal breakers for a modern world.

The Form Love Note

Once upon a time, a love note was sacred. It was carefully written by hand, and usually meant something special. Today, with the introduction of copy and paste, some posers send love notes to just about every single hottie on their e-mail list. You will know these forms by their ambiguous, non-personal message, which could be aimed at anyone. If someone does not have the time to write a personal, thoughtful note about why you two should be together, they don’t have the time to be in a relationship, either.

Self Love

A recent study looking at narcissistic personalities, suggests there is a connection between compulsive self photos/self updates, and being preoccupied with themselves. These are the personality types that seem to have their cell phone glued to their hand, documenting every meal, outing, and nightly fashion show in front of their bathroom mirror. While it is a great thing to love yourself, an obsessive infatuation for ones own image and lifestyle is a red flag for a partner who may not be ready to share the limelight with anyone else.

Phone Infatuated

Workaholics have been dealt a new tool (the smart phone), allowing them to stay connected to the entire world at any given minute. There is a reason that city street light poles are being padded, and pedestrian auto accidents are on the rise. It is because these people are so infatuated with their phone, they can’t be bothered to look up to see where they are going. If you find yourself with a partner who is just a little more invested in their phone, then they are with spending time with you, they are either immature, a workaholic, or dealing with low self esteem issues, none of which make for a fun partner later down the road.

Dependence

It is common for young adults to nest longer. However, if they have given their life over to be cared for, they are probably in no position to care for anyone else. This includes men and women over 30 still living with their parents, living in an apartment paid for by their parents, or counting on friends, roommates, or loved ones to take up their slack. A good relationship requires stability. When a partner is incapable of achieving stability, they are probably incapable of maintaining a stable relationship. Dependent partners will never be your equal, and will resent you for taking care of them. Do yourself, and them, a favor. Let them find independence before taking up residence in your life.

Poser

It’s easy to get online and search for relationships. Anyone who approaches you with a photo and an impressive resume, may or may not be who they say they are. A modern deal breaker should include people who are not honest about their age, kids, and relationship status when presenting themselves online. If someone is ambiguous about their life, to the point of being dishonest, take the key out of their ignition, before they take you for a ride.

Internet Tease

The internet tease may or may not be a poser, but the important thing to consider, is they might be playing games with no real intention of taking your virtual relationship to reality. The problem with internet relationships, is they can become serious fast. People who have never met, find themselves sharing their deepest secrets and falling in love. Online dating is not a real relationship until you have spent some time with them in-person. It doesn’t matter if they live half way around the world, or nine houses down the street from you. If they avoid meeting after several attempts, they are probably not who they say they are.

Stalker

Technology has brought us the modern day stalker, who at first might not seem dangerous, but they can be. Instead of sitting outside your bedroom window, they are sending multiple text messages, chatting you up with IM every time you log onto your computer, and asking to follow your daily jaunts through the use of push notification. Push notification can be a cool tool on your phone, but in the hands of a partner who requires to know where you are at any given moment, is an indication they are mistrusting, and possibly just a little too invested in your time. Keep in mind that controlling personality types usually appear early on as a moderate form of a stalker.

Regards
Rick (Admin Manager) – Perfect Partners Team

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Research: Husband’s Attitude is the Key to a Happy Marriage

April, 2014 by Mike BunDRANT

Watch out, men. Here it comes.

Some credible scientists now claim that it is YOUR attitude that makes or breaks your marriage. Could it be true? First, let’s look at the evidence. Then, we can draw some fair conclusions and discover what any relationship partner can do to make things better.

Researchers from the University of Chicago have recently reported that in long-term marriages, the mental health and personality of the husband may be crucial to avoiding conflict and getting along.

The study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family surveyed adults who were participating in the National Social Life Health and Aging Project. It compared the characteristics of husbands and wives whose relationship lasted an average of 39 years.

Professor of Urban Sociology and director of the Center on Aging at NORC Linda J. Waite, said the type of conflicts examined had to do with whether a spouse makes too many demands, perpetually criticizes, or gets on the others nerves.

Here is the essential discovery:

When the husband showed a higher level of positive personality traits, the wife in a couple reported less marital conflict (no surprise here).  Interestingly, the woman’s level of positivity had no effect on husbands’ reports of conflict in the marriage. In other words, if the man is a pain to deal with, the woman considers this a problem to be solved.  If the woman is a pain to deal with, the man doesn’t complain.

I can hear the men saying, “Of course, I don’t let things get to me and I don’t whine about stuff. Yet, when I act negatively, I hear all about it! Why can’t she just let it go and move on?”

Answer: Because you haven’t changed into a more positive, connected and emotionally available person and she won’t be satisfied until you do. She wants a positive relationship in which she feels safe and connected to you. Your chronic negativity and emotional unavailability won’t fly. And you know what, she’s probably right. You deserve the same in return, even though it might not be your priority in life.

This research is interesting, but in a way it is practically USELESS

The bottom line has do with how satisfied you are with your partner. Are you satisfied? If not, then take some challenging yet very constructive steps to assess the chances that your marriage can improve.

Here is what I suggest:

1. Without reservation, invest your conscious effort over time, focusing on your partner’s positive attributes, giving warm feedback, showing appreciation and being a GREAT person to be around. (If you simply cannot do this, then you may be self-sabotaging from the get go and need to address the self-sabotage before you can make progress.

2. Notice what happens over time. Most likely, one of the following scenarios will happen:

A. Your partner will respond in kind, increasing happiness and fulfillment in your relationship. This is a WONDERFUL sign. You now know what you can do to increase your mutual joy and create positive loops in your relationship.

Bingo! You’re on your way toward greater happiness and satisfaction.

B. Your partner will not be affected, and may pretend not to notice.

C. Your partner will resist your efforts and become even more negative, distanced or troubled.

If you know you’ve been a great partner, yet cannot create a positive loop in your relationship, then there are deeper issues to look at. For example:

Boundaries

Are the boundaries clear enough to honor each individual in the relationship, or are you trying to control each other?

Self-Sabotage and Psychological Attachments

Self-Sabotage compels people to do the opposite of what makes the happy. It is driven by psychological attachments to old, familiar states of misery that we are not strong enough to let go of. We unwittingly sabotage our happiness and chances for success by subconsciously clinging to an old story, a familiar misery or what we’ve always known.

Compatibility

It could be that both you and your partner are simply not compatible. In other words, it is nobody’s fault. You just don’t see life the same way. Of course, choosing and clinging to an incompatible person could be an example of self-sabotage.

Where do you stand in your relationship? 

The first step to making relationship life better is to know how to answer this question.

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Sophia L – Adriaan B, he has withdrawn, non-dating for now

Hi Guys

Can you take me off the dating schedule for the moment please ?

Jennifer and I are engaging again as it seemed worth while to give it another try, despite our traumatic breakup and the hard times that followed.  Please wish us luck.  You have been marvelous in keeping everything on track and my confidence is restored enough to be more mature and understanding now.

Best wishes,
Adriaan

Thanks for letting us know dear Adriaan ………we will hold our breath while you try to get back together again, and hope all turns out well!!  Sometimes it is a great leap forward, sometimes it rings the death knell as it is just not meant to be, as much as you may wish otherwise!!  Familiarity can breed contempt …and us humans often revert to what has become ‘comfortable’ because it is what we know, our neuro-reality ………but the problems are still the same unless seriously addressed ……which I know both of you have the depth to do, so my advice is meant kindly, and we wish you both the very best!  Promises can be made and just as easily broken ………..honest communication is pivotal now.

Please let us know how it goes, we really care and maybe even we can assist ……….in the mean time, we have withdrawn your intros to the other ladies and they will be most disappointed – you are really eligible and deserve the best, remember this!

Love and light as always,

Fond Regards
Shannon

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Marina L, back on board – active again and going for pics

Afternoon Shannon

Yes, to be honest lots of ghosts have been put to rest. I had to deal with a significant financial loss (an investment that went terribly wrong), the ex that would not leave me alone kept me wondering if it would not work out again, but I have sorted him out and he is just there where he belongs in the past……

Work was just over whelming, long, long hours to start opening new sites, lots of accidents ( this unfortunately wont change), but I have decided to start looking for another job to.

I am up for a complete change in my life! Its better than a holiday.  I went to Durban on leave all on my own…..this was so lonely for me, I returned sooner just to be around people I know. Sad but true.

My ex told me I was materialistic and bitter, this really cut me up and it hurt a lot.

I would really like feedback on what the guys found as negative and positive points with me if that is allowed?

I would like that photographers name and number please, I  think new pics are all part of a new beginning.

Its so good to have someone to talk to again…..

Marie 🙂

Oh my dearest Marie – what a lovely heart touching email!! I am so sorry about the financial loss and am sure your good sense, and new experience, will guide you in future (trusted someone and took a fall?) and all your new business ventures will improve – it is such a funny thing, but when the planets, the gods, the energies, angels – whatever,  are not right they are horrid and it affects everything – everything goes awry and turns toxic like a domino effect!  Sweeping clean and stepping back, taking a deep breath and re-assessing everything to get insight makes a huge improvement, and sometimes, we simply cannot have it all, and have to make the best choices for ourselves….even if it means delaying a goal or a dream for a while, so there is always hope.

Yes, change is as good as a holiday, but a ‘real’ holiday alone truly sucks …it seems to magnify your isolation, and there is so much to enjoy ….and when you look around, you are on your ace and the aloneness seems magnified….horrible!  been there!!  At least you are rested and now prepared for the next round ……..we wish you so much happiness!

Never mind what the ex says – he is jealous!  Maybe you have more ambition, maybe more charisma …..and just maybe it was not meant to be.  People say things like that when they want to control you, it is a form of sabotage, it is toxic and reflects then off everything …..so maybe it was not just meant to be, lesson well learnt!!

You have always been a big hit and do very well, guys do like you because you are so NOT full of BS!!!!  Hee hee, only comment ever that may make you cross, was that you could lose a bit of weight!!  But that never put anybody off – it was meant kindly that you could be twice as beautiful and you deserve it……that is up to you!!

Standing by then to get your pics – then we refresh your profile and start a whole new chapter, practice session is over!  New beginning, here we come ……..

Love and light as always,

Fond Regards
Shannon

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Sipho – An important question on cross-cultural matches

Hi dear Sipho,

Many thanks for the enquiry and also candidly asking about our services, much appreciated!

To give you some assurances, we can say we are often told we are streets ahead in our view to building bridges between the various culture groups if the individuals are well matched. We are also praised on our openness (and courage) to approach well matched singles with an eye to trying another culture – this is only a networking exercise after all in order to assess possibilities and maybe think out the box and try something new! Sometimes we succeed, but there are no guarantees! Many people are adamant about their roots and determined to stay within their cultures – nothing to do with Colour. Of course, we do have White ladies/men who are totally ‘colour blind’ and more concerned that values, IQ, EQ and SQ (spiritual quotient) are compatible ……with a similar lifestyle and background and approach to tradition and inherent culture. We also guide all our members on the art of acceptance, tolerance and negotiation!

 

Having said that, we can only offer to try on your behalf ……..if you were on our database you would be in line to meet such new-century-thinking ladies. Of course, we have to promote you (with your help – we will create a great ‘show case’ on you and make tentative approaches on your behalf and point out why you would be a possible eligible ‘catch’ and a value add in somebody’s life) and see what results we get. This is precisely why we call what we do ‘social recruitment’ because we literally head hunt for you.

Of course, at the end of the day, love has to FIND YOU! It cannot be engineered, manipulated or coaxed. The more candidates, the more prospects you meet, the better – this is a numbers game! What better chance other than joining our select network? You have total confidentiality, a hands on agency who really cares and is continually seeking that which you want from the general public after much advertising and screening for the ‘right kind of singles’ …….and we are also known for the fact that our members are a cut above the ordinary and mundane (who we wish well but rather leave to less knowledgeable agencies or the internet). Apart from us, there is not much better choice, I am humble in saying.

I trust I have given you some encouragement, and hope to see your personal profile come through – it will only come to me and is totally safe from any other eyes! I will treat it with respect. Just complete the form and click on submit …..the cyber fairies will ensure I get it. Indeed, a certain maturity is a requirement if two total strangers are to negotiate the path of true love in a lasting and fulfilling relationship, even if there is an explosion of physical attraction.

Looking forward to hearing from you, and wishing you love and light in all your dreams,

Fond Regards
Shannon Davisoff (nee Mac naughton)

CEO/Profiler

 

 

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